A Single Light

Just one light can bring hope to the hopeless, direction to the lost and strength to the weary.

No matter what faith, tenet or belief you follow,


be that light.


{If the world is night, shine my life like a light-

Emily & Amy; you sing it so well}


Merry Christmas

Extra Gravity

The other night I made my kids' favorite dinner, Cheeseburger soup. It's hamburger meat, tomato soup, cheddar cheese soup, milk and noodles all cooked together until the noodles are done. My kids LOVE this dinner. I usually make a double batch and TallBoy usually eats it all.

We sat and ate our dinner, and TallBoy kept dropping noodles on his shirt. He starts making up pretend bad words and giving me dirty looks as a joke. The dropping continues. He starts to get seriously annoyed- it's his favorite dinner and he can't get it into his mouth. Finally he asks me,

"Mom, what's wrong with this cheeseburger soup? I keep dropping it! Did you put extra gravity in it or something?"

I found this exchange hilarious and "extra gravity" became a catch phrase at our house just for sheer silliness.

However, it's with sincere extra gravity that I was given a layoff notice at work. They are employing everyone for 3 weeks guaranteed starting December 29 (but we'll all be on mandatory vacation) and they will call people back as work develops. However they cannot promise who or how many will be called back at the end of this 3 weeks. I'll have a paycheck until roughly mid to late January. My immediate supervisor and the president of the company have both told me they will be GLAD to reccomend me and write excellent references for me, which is a blessing and a solace to me.

I'll be honest, I had about an hour of pure terror and desperate hurt. I wanted very much to cry, to swear, to hurt something. And then I remembered I had to tell my kids about this.

One thing I've always wanted to do as a parent was to make sure my kids knew that the grownups were in CHARGE, and that they would handle the grown up problems. To show fear, or anger, or frustration in the face of a grown up problem does not say (to me) that I am in charge or that I could handle my problem.

So I bucked up and discussed it with them. It was a tough discussion, and they handled it as themselves. My TallBoy was determined and grim faced while SweetPea was tearful and emotional. That's just who they are and I get to help them through this just as much as I get to help myself.

So I spent a long time in prayer last night, asking the Lord to direct me and move me where he wants me to go. I have to put absolute faith that he will provide for our family, and that we will survive this and be strengthened through our togetherness and reliance on G-d.

I'm encouraged that I already have several leads and a wonderful friend from church gave me several ideas already. I'm lucky to have a very flexible skill set and I'm heartened by my family.

I'm a little excited at the idea of a vacation, but I know I will be working every day of it. The positive is that I'll be able to spend some time with my kids. I'm praying this time will be a blessing to all of us and that we'll find a treasure in the midst of all this challenge.

Musings at not quite 6am & a bleg

Our family had a very happy time laughing about the recent Bush press conference. We've known for several years that it is the ULTIMATE Iraqi insult to throw a shoe at someone and found the entire situation preposterously funny. Simply because someone actually threw a shoe-we giggled for a long time.

My mother proved her status as awesome again. She sent TallBoy some things Rhett (my youngest brother) had outgrown including pairs of Nike Shox, And1, and Addidas Pros - and all of them fit. None of these are cheap shoes to begin with, and they're all on the "cool" side - and they fit! (he's wearing size 13 or 14 shoes, so shoes that fit are a big deal)

I really don't like snow and ice and can't wait for it to be warm again. I spoke to a man in Australia Monday and it was 30+ C there... I'm jealous. (But Christmas in summer seems really strange to me)

Blegging for good deeds:

A good girlfriend fell on the ice last Monday and dislocated her kneecap. She's in a knee brace for 8 weeks and today it's like a hard candy shell outside. I hope she stays safe.

Any ideas for a care package for her as she recovers? She LOVES reading and pop-culture TV. I'm looking for great ideas so send 'em my way. I'd love to be able to bring her a basket of goodies to let her know how much I care about her. She's a really good friend.

'Tis the Season

As a general rule, I hate the "Christmas machine".

You know, the Illuminati that tells retailers to bring out wreaths and snowmen in September, to encroach on our other perfectly good and wonderful holidays, to spew out more "must have" crap, and to play OBNOXIOUS Christmas music incessantly from October until January.

Honestly. Christmas music (in my opinion) is bad enough at one or two songs a shot. To play LOTS of it, repeatedly is beyond annoying. It's a form of torture. (Maybe they should send THAT idea down to Guantanamo)

I don't hate all Christmas music- but much of it misses the point. Most of it is sentimental pablum, wishing for snow, goodies, sugar and that idyllic idea of Christmas that none of us can recreate at home.

I enjoy a few songs. To me, they are deeply reflective of what *I* feel Christmas is all about. Christmas isn't about stuff, or snow, or trees, or snowmen, or reindeer or Santa. Christmas is about Christ, and peace.

I was out with TallBoy recently, and I was occupied in my head with a bunch of things I "had to do". We sat down and ate our lunch somewhere and I didn't notice that they were playing Christmas music continuously until the 3rd song in. Then it hit me and I prepared for the worst- the sappy, giddy, goody-goody songs that are so popular.

Instead, it was an old version of one of my personal favorite Christmas songs-
The Little Drummer Boy

The simplicity of the gift the Drummer gave always strikes me. I'm ashamed that I have not always given "my best for him" when I hear this song. But I'm always encouraged that even a song, played by a child, is enough for my King. And that a simple gift, given with a willing heart, is truly precious.
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I made a large batch of Christmas cards Saturday. I took some with me when I was at 'Gopher and made them out for a few of the guys there. (I have more to pass out yet.) One of the guys was a little dumbfounded- he really doesn't know me well. But he's a regular at our store and someone I wanted to share Christmas with.

He asked "why do I get a card? what's the deal?"

Another regular who knows me VERY well replied- "Because that's what she DOES."

Yeah, I make cards and I share things that are important to me.
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I was given a very surprising Christmas present recently. Some friends of mine showed me that they care much more for me than I knew or imagined, and that they are willing to pick up my burdens and help me carry the load when it gets heavy. They showed me how friends care and nurture each other, even when it's sticky or you might get messy. Friendship is a simple idea, but a tough concept to master. Being shown a concrete example is often the best gift you can get. And I'm grateful.

Head Space

I've had some unpleasant mental junk going on lately and I've been having a hard time dealing with it. I've had a hard time dealing with anything, really.

I realized very recently that the things I have loved to do, the things that create great excitement in me, and give me my purpose were just so much "MEH" to me lately.

I realized that I did not want to do normal everyday things and even dealing with my kids (which is usually the highlight of my day) was driving me crazy.

I tried to scrapbook recently and was appalled at how much I hated my papers. I knew that when I wanted to throw away my Basic Grey, SOMETHING was wrong.

I made myself do some things that I normally really really enjoy- and I couldn't hack it. I started feeling weird, paranoid, and closed in about halfway through them.

I sat down to make some Christmas cards for a project (not for my family or friends) and didn't hate it. I actually found myself sort of having fun. I made way more than I planned and didn't want to stop.

I found something I wanted to do again- so I'm running with it. I WANT to make 65 Christmas cards this weekend.

Yeah, I want to do something. I don't know if I should be excited or sad. But I want to do something.

Mom Powers

A few months ago, TallBoy was in his room, being good and quiet and leaving me alone. His music was on at a tolerable level and he was not doing anything wrong. (All was good in the world!)

I was in the living room and watching TV quietly. I made the realization that TallBoy had not showered in *too long* and decided he needed to do so.

I sent him a text message. "You need to take a shower."

His reply: "How can you smell me through four rooms and a door?"

Me: "Mom Powers"

TallBoy was beside himself and made a big fuss about it, but did shower. He STILL uses this instance to discuss how UNFAIR my mom talents are. (I'm also capable of hearing muttered bad words from several rooms away and of knowing homework is not turned in. Just unfair.)

Monday, he was sitting next to me on the couch and cuddling me. He was being good and courteous and helping get me beverages or books or what have you as my leg & foot tried to heal.

I looked over at him and noticed something in his pocket, so I poked it. I did not ask him what it was or say anything about it, I just thought about what it might be. (this whole series of events only took about 10 seconds, maybe) It was rectangular, flat, thin and stiff. It was not a cell phone as that is in my room. It was not keys (wrong shape and size). It was not money. Though it was the right size, it did not have bumps on it and he is too young so it was not a credit card. I quickly deduced it was

"Student ID"

TallBoy's mouth dropped open. He looked at The Dude with this "WTH" expression on his face. He said:

"How does she DO that?!!! How did she KNOW? I just got it today and I didn't even tell her about it! It's just WRONG!"

My reply:

"Mom Powers".

Most of the time my "mom powers" are me being MUCH more observant than I let on. I spend a lot of time acting a little distracted (and sometimes I really am distracted) so my kids tell me things they would never say if they thought I was paying attention. They may not say it out loud, but I watch them and know their body language. I know their moods and habits. I know them very well, because I pay attention. Just quietly.

Other times it is my "been there, done that" experiences. It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager and I remember some of the things I dealt with all too well. I use my youth to my advantage when dealing with my kids.

Someday I may let my children in on the parental secret. That we're not so dumb after all.

But for now it's a lot more fun to let the TallBoy think I'm some kind of freak, and that I have

Mom Powers.

Dirt Nap

I've never been a graceful person. In fact, I'm notoriously clumsy. I have a definite KNACK for falling down, bumping things, getting hurt, and even breaking bones (my left foot, three times).


Cash and I have a habit of getting out of the house between 5am and 5:30 to go for a walk. He likes to sniff everything and mark it all- to make sure that other dog knows this is "his" block, and I like to get a LITTLE exercise.

This walk has been very good for me, but I've fallen many times while leading the dog around. I turn my left foot fairly often but can usually hang in there. I usually fall when it's wet or slippery, but now and then I fall for no good reason.

Last winter I feel very hard on my left knee, and just as it was getting stronger, fell on it again. It's been weakened ever since and I do my best not to overwork it.

Today, I took Cash on his walk and as we turned the corner, we saw the dog we call "Bear". He's a HUGE Golden Retriever with as silly a personality as Cash's. Bear was across the street, headed away from us. Cash saw and smelled "Bear" and started acting like a goof immediately. I got him calmed down, went around the block and into the house.

I got ready for work, got my things together and headed out the front door.

Honestly, the next thing I remember is screaming on the walk in front of our house. I absolutely lost the ability to think, to reason, to form any sort of thought. I just screamed. And screamed. And then screamed some more.

SweetPea's room is at the front of the house, right behind the front door. She was getting ready for school. Poor SweetPea was so shaken by the sound of her mom screaming, she panicked and started crying; "MOM! MOM!MOM! MOMMMMMMMMMM!".

That's all I heard for a moment. My beautiful girl was scared and I absolutely could NOT help her. I couldn't do anything. I was the reason she was scared. She was afraid for me.

Then I heard Cash, banging at the door, his tags jangling. Then I saw bare feet, and The Dude's hands, touching me and holding my hand. He'd thrown on pants (but nothing else) before he ran out to help me.

TallBoy was there, too. He was apologizing for something, but at the time, words were not making very much sense to me. Apparently TallBoy thought I'd been shot, or stabbed, based on my crying alone and had run to the kitchen to get a weapon. He was apologizing for taking so long to help me.

I had no idea of time. I only knew pain. Tearing, searing, rip me apart and sew me back together WRONG pain. I know I cried and screamed some more- fairly incoherently- for a while before The Dude could get me calmed down. TallBoy and the Dude finally got my brain back in my head and got me inside- after much back and forth of TheDude and TallBoy for shoes and coats and such.

It had been clear and dry when Cash and I went out for our walk. When I left the house, it was drizzling freezing rain and my front steps had frozen over with unseen ice.

I had slipped on our front steps. My left leg, which is weak already, had turned to the right very sharply as I fell, and all my weight landed on both my knee and ankle when I went down (and I am a big girl, let me tell you).

I spent a while in the front lawn taking a "dirt nap", but now I'm at home, on Tylenol with Codine.

I can't tell you how wonderful The Dude is being to me. I adore this man beyond all possible measure and I am so grateful to him for how well he cares for me. He's not traditionally "romantic", but any man that runs into the front yard with no shirt or shoes in sub-freezing temperatures while it's raining ice to pick me up off the yard is my knight in shining armor.

I have...

done some of this stuff:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (orchestra counts, right?)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (helped one of my best girlfriends do so with siblings- does that count?)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables (when at home with my mom)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow
22. Hitch hiked (I've picked up a hitch hiker, though)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (someone has done it for me)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing (went shrimping once)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (food bank)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason (one of two times I got flowers from the Dude)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (sorry)
68. Flown in a helicopter (airplane)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (I was born on Feb 12- in East Central Illinois. )
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job ( I was 17 and stupid)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (same one, three times)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (when I was 5)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (when I was 5)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating **this will NEVER happen!**
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own (ok I admit this was a total blog-theft!)

Why don't they tell me this stuff?

#1Showering before bed. BEST. TIMESAVER.EVER.
If I had known, I totally would have been doing this -YEARS- ago.

#2My optimal operating hours are 8a-8p. So DUH, a job that is 7a-4p is not entirely ideal. ESPECIALLY when it means getting up at !5! AM. It makes me tired, cranky and not so good at doing my normal mom/wife/me stuff. Thus, #1 is well and TRULY a miraculous discovery.

#3If your schedule requires you to go to bed WAY early (like, oh, 9pm) so you can actually WAKE up at !5! am, caffeine anytime after, um, noon- is BAD.

#4Girl children that are "nothing like" me are way more like me than I ever realized possible- just in totally sneaky, illuminating ways. The mother's curse is a funny thing because I'm discovering I LIKE this girl more and more every day. And understand myself more clearly too.

#5There will be days where you can't keep up with your brain. And then there will be days when your brain is off and your body is hotwired. I keep hoping they will mesh for me someday.

#6I've got a pretty good life. Who knew?

Homebody

I am a homebody.

I don't like to go out much. I don't like to be drug all over heck & creation for "special events" or any other reason. I like my home, my family and my space.

I like making the rules and having some control over what happens and when.

This tendency often causes me to be a less than stellar daughter, sister, Daughter-in-law or even (I'm ashamed to admit) friend.

I know a large part of it is from years of divorced parents and driving everywhere for holidays and never having a moment's peace. I know some of it is a desire to create a sense of order and calm for myself and my kids. I know some of it is habit, and some is simply me being stubborn.

I can't really make myself like going places or doing stuff outside my comfort zone, but I can DO them in an effort to be more like the me I want to be.

Maybe a trip or visit now and then is good for me. Is it ok if I pick when I go?

Paper on my horizon

I am going to play with paper today. I have a sort of paper problem. I love patterned paper- but nothing "Cute".

Doodlebug- YUK. KI Memories- BLECK. Sassafrass Lass- NOT for me. American Crafts (paper only) MUCH too cute. BoBunny-I don't do cute.


Give me paper with a little attitude, a little edge. Give me paper from designers that know my life isn't frills and such- it's a mess. With dirt, and grunge and colors outside the primary family.
Give me stuff like:

Basic Grey (I LOVE BG. I am way behind on collections, but I've only seen 2 or 3 I truly did not like)

K & Company. (I can never predict what they'll come up with next. They've gone from heritage to funky and a whole lot more.)

Daisy D's. Cosmo Cricket. (These two are more kit or miss, but their accessories and "fun stuff" always make me smile.)

I'm not any fabulous artist or anything, but I love the papers and the colors. I love thinking about what I can do with them. I can't wait!

My overworked oven

I am not traditional at all when it comes to holidays, especially not involving food.

I am not doing a turkey because TallBoy does not LIKE turkey and The Dude doesn't like bird on the bone, and SweetPea and I only like white meat. A whole turkey would be a waste and a breast roast would only feed 3 of us. No ham because TallBoy and The Dude do not like it either.

I sort of make it my "tradition" to make NON-traditional Thanksgiving day dinner. In Thanksgivings past, I have made lasagne, meatloaf, pot roast, steak and applesauce chicken (a family favorite).

This year I am making stew, mashed potatoes, an Asian inspired salad, home made bread and shortbread. With a pot of spaghetti for anyone that might not care for stew- a distinct possibility with TallBoy. We also have some friends coming over, and their girl is about 8 and not always reliable about what she eats. I like to at least TRY to have options.

I am trying to do most, if not all, of the preparation/cooking stuff tonight so that I can let the crockpot do the work and sleep in. When you have to be up no later than 5 am every day, sleeping in is a luxury I do NOT want to waste.

So I baked my shortbread and my home made bread tonight. My poor oven is very put out with me. But I really don't mind. There's something terribly relaxing and enjoyable about putting together flour, sugar and butter and getting some of the tastiest stuff ever out of it.

I think that's what I like best about the holidays- time to actually cook and enjoy myself.

Happy Thanksgiving- and I'm giving my oven a rest.

Y, Oh, Y

TallBoy came over to me and was acting extremely affectionate and lovey and things today. So I returned said affections, hugging and kissing and generally enjoying the bigness of this boy of mine because I love this guy. He's great. Annoying at times, but truly great. He disengages, smiles, says, "I love you", I reply in kind, and then departs for his room.

As he is headed to his room, I hear him snickering to himself. And I am *very* suspicious, *very* suddenly.

Then it hits me.

He has mastered the art of the "hit&run" as it's known at our house- the laying of a silent gaseous cloud so fierce I nearly retch, and get this:

He thinks it's funny.

I really do have 3 brothers, so I should be used to it by now, but *really* . My own son!

I need to go scrub out my nose. And invest in a lot of Glade.

I do love him- I mentioned that, right?

Promises - and rope

Warning! This post will probably pretty serious and a little sad. I will get back to my weird sense of humor and positive attitude next post. Thank you!
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I had a lot of sadness in my childhood. Despite my mother's very best attempts, we were poor. At one point, she was single with 3 young kids, no job and no place to live. The places she could find to live were too expensive or too small. As her world came crashing down around her, she wrangled up what little courage she had left and asked her friends and extended family for ideas (not money- ideas). She wound up deciding to have us stay with people she knew and trusted for a little while while she got on her feet. I went to stay with a long time trusted friend in Texas for a summer. My brothers went to stay with someone else in Tennessee. (The third brother came MUCH later in my life.)

I know she did what she thought was best and it had to kill her daily not to have us nearby. I know she must have cried and worked her hardest to get us back as fast as she could.

All I understood was that my mom was sending me away, to someone I didn't know terribly well, and I didn't have my brothers with me.

When we returned, we were different. All of us- my mother included. But one of my two brothers had serious issues. My mom tried to overlook it, but I truly think he was seriously harmed by the person she trusted to care for him.

As the years went on, my brother's issues only increased and worsened. Medicine, therapy, discipline-nothing worked to help him improve. My mother was told that my brother was a sociopath and that there was 'no hope' for him to have a normal life. She was encouraged (strongly) to put him into a home. My mother struggled with my brother for years and refused to give up hope that he could change. She fought with doctors and experts and moved-a LOT- in attempts that new surroundings would help, new doctors would help- that ANYTHING would help. She finally had to give up on him at one point and forced him to move out. He went to live with my dad for a while, and my dad went through many of the same issues. Nothing worked to change my brother, and my dad gave up too.



Because of my experiences and what I witnessed with my brother, I promised myself as a mother that I would never - NEVER - give up on my kids. I would never ask someone else to take on MY responsibility. I would never separate my kids or send them away. I promised myself that I would do whatever necessary to keep my pain from repeating.

I recently heard that the father of a young girl I am close to and love very dearly gave her up to someone else. This girl has been through much more trauma than I have ever experienced and is seriously troubled. She has many complicated issues that need to be worked through, with medication, therapy and perhaps surgery. Despite all her many -very serious- problems, she is a sweet and trusting girl. She's beautiful, lively, fun and energetic even with all her concerns.

Her father has admittedly done a lot for this girl that in many ways is above and beyond. I honestly saw signs of improvement and maybe even hope the last time I was with this young girl. However, I'd heard that very recently things had gotten extremely bad and they had temporarily placed her in a psychiatric ward. Her father finally got to a point where he could not handle the girl or her problems any more and has placed her in someone else's care.

Maybe he really thinks this is the best thing for her. Maybe he hopes that new surroundings, new doctors, and a new attitude will help her turn her darkest corner.

Maybe he was at the end of his rope, and he just couldn't hang on any more. He saw a chance for the rest of his family (he has 2 other children at home) to have something closer to a normal life and a way to ease his burden. He accepted the implications of sending one child away and getting his life and house back in order.

I believe this girl deserves better-much better- and there is absolutely nothing I can do for her except pray.

I honestly thought I was at the end of my rope with TallBoy recently. I know in the large scheme of things, grades are just grades, but I have been having the battle since he was in first grade. It's taxing and it hurts me to be the strict parent, to say 'no' to him. Outside of grades he is a wonderful boy- he's loving, respectful, considerate, fairly responsible and generous to a fault. I didn't want to give up on him just yet but I knew I was getting close to the end of my rope. I didn't know what to do, except pray.

Some financial things have been going on at our house that are pretty scary and I was at the end of my rope there, too. I'm far too proud for my own good and couldn't feel comfortable asking for any kind of help and just didn't know what to do. Except pray.

Thursday, I saw a reply to a post about grades at TwoPeasInABucket, a message board I like to read. It wasn't directed at or to me, but it was literally the hand of G-d putting a knot in my rope, and telling me "hold on-there's hope". The reply was the best idea I've ever seen for TallBoy's problems in YEARS and it's DOABLE. It's something my Dude and I feel comfortable with and believe will WORK. The knot at the end of my rope was desperately needed and came at just the right time.

Friday, a new way of looking at our financial situation arrived. It made the knot that I'd been hanging onto just that much larger and stronger, and gave me a little room to breathe. I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath until that room came, and I just let it all out, and I felt like me again.

Every family has different promises and different ropes- but hold on. There's hope. If you're ever at the end of your rope, let me know. I'll do what I can to help- and pray.

choosing church

My church issues are many fold. Some are due to my childhood- an ultra-liberal environment with almost no boundaries. Some are due to my life stage. Some are due to trial and error of what I want and don’t. And some are just me.

Stuff I love about church (in general, doesn’t matter which variety):

The people. People that are involved in your life, care about you, pray for you, celebrate your victories and much much more. When you have a group of people you can count on, there’s nothing like it. It really is FAMILY.

Activities. Bible study. Small groups. Prayer meetings. Hotdish or potluck suppers. Field trips. Speakers. Reading as a collective. Churches can have some of the best free (or close to it) activities available, and many of them offer great chances for personal growth.

Charity. Churches, more often than not, get it right in helping others. Most of the time they know when someone needs help, friends, a quiet ear, or a hand in getting things back together.

Stuff I hate about church (in general, doesn’t matter which variety):

Getting out of bed on Sunday morning. It’s just wrong. It doesn’t help that the Dude works from 12-12 on Sundays and he’s warm, and comfortable, and I don’t have a day off with him, and leaving means less time with him. If I leave at 8:30, I don’t see him for the rest of the day and it’s difficult to do.

Money/Giving. What, or if, I give is up to me. It’s personal, and private. I have a hard time with giving in church (unless it’s cash, and that’s a whole different story) because ultimately, someone sees it. I already deal with guilt (lots of Catholics in my family despite the ultra-liberal upbringing) and I never feel that I am doing “enough”. When a giving campaign starts, I usually hide. And don’t get me started on $15 classes, plus books or $5 donation (after I bring food and plates) for the chili dinner (and it is NOT for charity).

Finding the right place. It’s a tough thing to find the right people, the right environment, and the right activities. Many people ‘church-hop’ for months or a year before they find their “home church”. I have tried a lot of churches and thought I found the ‘one’ but things (or maybe it was me) changed and I had to start all over again.

-I was facing this about 6 months to a year ago.

I had been attending our area's version of a "mega-church" (about 2500) and was not very happy with just a couple things. However these couple things were non-negotiable for me.

My friends invited me to their church, and so I went (I figured I would at least respect their opinion and try it). Their church is 300 people MAX! It has been a major change for me. I really love the PEOPLE. It's like a big family- people that are genuinely invested in me & my kids, and pray for me etc.

The pastor is very passionate, and I enjoy him most of the time. But man, he is LOUD. I'm so accustomed to "talking" ministers that a pastor that gets excited and uses his voice is a new thing to me.

The worship is really different too. The other church was a young, contemporary church with a worship band that played up to date, modern music. This new church is a much older congregation and the music reflects that.

But a big plus is the teen ministry. Their teen pastor is truly gifted and loves young people. He's really gotten my kids to "buy in" and is really tuned into their lives. I can't say enough about his impact. I wish I could go to their services, because I like him that much.

While I don’t know if this place is my “home church”, it’s where I think I am supposed to be for now. I’m really growing in faith, and I have friends and “family” that I feel comfortable asking the “hard questions” with. I can let myself be me, and know that I won’t be judged. I really value the safety. I value the emphasis on G-d and Biblical teachings. I value the people.

Acts was all about the regular people moving on with their lives and building Christianity after Christ’s death. It’s my favorite book in the New Testament, because it clearly illustrates how church happened (through people, meeting in each other’s homes, praying for each other and sharing equally in their talents and abilities), and the good it did.

On a note more about form than function, what was this guy doing inside my head?
Almost every point he brings up here about the “younger generation” and “new way of doing church” is right on point (for ME anyway) and illustrates the so-called flaws I see in traditional church. It’s fascinating, and it was really important for me to see someone else understand some of my hesitations with “organized church”, but able to explain it better.

It’s probably the best explanation of the kind of thinking that can drive away people that are interested in Christ or church, but get bogged down in details. A lot of it directly relates to a book the church I am attending recently studied, but really hits the points more clearly and in more detailed fashion.

from Our Daily Bread by Mart De Haan
Oct 27th

Over the past decade there has been growing controversy about “a new way of doing church.”

The debate has been generational in nature. Many of our sons and daughters are forming or joining congregations that don’t look or sound like our kind of church. Yet, they are likely to tell us that they are just trying to be authentic followers of Jesus and that many of us have been unfair in our criticism of them. See, for instance, New Zealander Andrew Jones’ eloquent defense of these emerging groups at “What I Would Say to the Young American Emerging Churches.”

The emergent phenomena, however, has been marked by bad blood. Some members of the traditional church have characterized these communities as critical, culturally obsessed, biblically illiterate, and more interested in taking the church apart than in building it.

From where I sit, seems to me that what is needed is the kind of wisdom that some of the first church leaders showed when they called in Paul and Barnabas and listened to their story (Acts 15). Here’s some of what I think we would hear.

Many emerging churches affirm:

The tri-unity of God as a basis for valuing community rather than self-centered individualism.

Faith as a conversation and a journey rather than just a declaration and decision.

Taking a “both/and” rather than an “either/or” approach to eternal salvation and social involvement; the letters of Paul and the Gospels of Jesus; our church and the kingdom of God.

Seeing the church as a movement rather than just an organization.

A desire to reach a generation largely untouched by traditional churches.

Valuing creativity and variety in worship styles.

Seeing spiritual leadership as a matter of example rather than authority and control.

A willingness to think through the doctrines of the church rather than just taking for granted that their parents generation had it right.

Living the Bible rather than just studying and defending it.

Seeing not only the truth of God but also the mystery.

It’s important to understand, however that these values will often be expressed as a reaction to and sense of disillusionment with the churches of their parents’ generation.

Emerging communities often take issue with:

Emphasizing the letters of Paul while ignoring the Gospels of Jesus.

Condemning homosexuality and abortion while ignoring sins of pride, racial prejudice, greed, divisiveness, and hypocrisy.

Defending doctrinal statements with anger and intimidation rather than with reason.
Regarding arguable or possible implications of the Bible as absolutes and tests of orthodoxy.

Interpreting the Bible as if it was written in our generation rather trying to understand what it meant in the times in which it was written.

Preoccupation with prophetic scenarios while ignoring the needs of poverty and justice within our own church families and communities.

Following male leadership that does not include or respect the needs and thoughts of women.

Seeing church authority as a matter of hierarchy and control rather than example and servant attitudes.

Viewing the church as an institution rather than as a community.

Focusing on unchanging forms of worship rather than fresh expressions that reflect continual renewal.

Attempts to marry the church to political power.

Emphasis on professional clergy rather than encouraging whole-church participation.

A failure of the traditional church to confront abusive patriarchy, warfare, and injustice.

Efforts of the church to bring people in rather than going out to them.

Outreach that sounds angry and condemning rather than embodying the attitudes and methods of Jesus.

Teaching that focuses on texts and doctrines rather than on the story and stories of the Bible.

Church leaders who cater to rich and powerful members

Use of a code-language (church jargon) that self-identifies and self-authenticates insiders while remaining confusing or misleading to those outside of Christ.

Attempts to maintain a theology that doesn’t leave room for the mystery of God

I got pretty long winded there (that’s what loquacious means) just to say I’m just as confused as I was when I started, but it’s ok because I have friends and a church “family”. Whew.

home WORK

I love my kids more than breath and all that good stuff.

My TallBoy is apparently intent on inventing or discovering as many possible ways to make me completely aggravated if not downright MAD in as short a time as possible.

He has been going through a growth spurt (AGAIN!) and so is all grumpy and generally miserable. I feel some compassion for him because the poor guy keeps banging his legs on the railings of his loft bed as he sleeps in addition to growth pains.

He's also doing his pretty typical bored as heck gifted kid dance, and I have totally lost patience with this sorry state of affairs. His grades and effort (or lack of it) towards them has me completely stymied me in every possible way. I recently checked his grades online and discovered a class with a single digit percentage for his overall grade. I try to be pretty relaxed and understanding but completely failed at this endeavor after this information.

I know I have to let him make his own mistakes and deal with his own consequences. I know that this is his future and his responsibility. However being his mother and knowing he's capable of much more than a single digit percentage or "skating by" in several other classes is enough to bring about my more forceful and authoritative nature.

Consequences mean I have to enforce them, though. And man, that can be a lot of work.

We haven't had the TV on since Monday, and I didn't realize how much I could get done with it off. I have cooked dinner 3 times this week (a genuine miracle, I tell you) and laundry, dishes and vacuuming have gotten done as well. There might be something to the "turn your TV off" week after all.

yeah, more housework...

as much as I grumble, I like the results. But sticking to it has been a test.

Maybe TallBoy will actually PASS a test, too?

Confessions from a Former Crunchy momma

I have a wonderful, but very activist, mom.

My kid life was spent working at various charities & organizations my mom believed very firmly in until I could not longer qualify as "free child labor" (mostly a joke). I have pictures of her car driving a mascot for one of her favorite groups through the 4th of July parade 4-5 years running. I worked behind the counter of the local vegetarian/alternative coffeehouse as a kid. I worked the Pepsi stand at carnivals for a group to raise money for its programs. I rolled spare change for our church UNICEF drive.

While we were not vegetarians, we lived close to it due to being very broke. I learned a lot about slow, whole, organic, local and "fair trade" food WAY before it was trendy. I helped my mom's friend load his wagon for the farmer's market on a regular basis in exchange for free range eggs. I know several (good) recipes for rice & beans. I have planted, weeded, pollinated and harvested a home garden.

I have 3 younger brothers and my mom nursed all of them (and me). She also cloth diapered, made home made baby food and scoured garage sales for baby items.

My mom was a fabulous seamstress. She took in mending, tailoring & alterations at times for extra money. She made her own clothes on a regular basis. She made MY clothes fairly often. My first dress was handmade by mom as a reward for learning to walk. My wedding dress was lovingly made and given as a present from my mother. She tried in vain to teach me the art of fabric, but I have hands that refused to cooperate. I never got the hang of it. (I'm wishing I had because I could sure use those skills now!)

I learned how to recycle, re-use and reduce everything. I knew from an early age that tin foil was like gold and had a million uses. I used jelly jars for glasses. Old things were made new again with the wave of my mom's hand, some duct tape, sewing or cussing.

I learned some self-sufficiency from her. Mom changed her own oil until I was about 12, and she made me learn how. I learned to change a tire. I learned to make my own bread. I learned how to pick the best vegetables & fruits at the market. I learned how to garage sale with the best of them. I learned that the library is one of the best riches on the planet.


These experiences lead the way for me to become a fairly "crunchy" momma.

I did the whole natural child birth, nursing & cloth diapering thing. I made my own baby food for a while until my kiddos ate table scraps. I bought nothing new. I scoured the thrift stores for all sort of things. Most of my furniture is garage sale, estate sale, hand-me-down, or side of the road finding. I shopped Aldi, around the "outside" of the store, at the farmer's market, clipped coupons, etc.

I didn't have a car for the first 6 months or so of my son's life, and then when I did have one, the Dude drove it to work and I stayed home. I took the bus to the grocery store, the laundromat, the library, the park, my in-laws and more.

There came a time when I just couldn't take scraping and saving and considering every choice any more. I needed convenience. I needed a break. I had 2 kids at home and the Dude was working 60+ hours a week. I had no car and no more patience. I started to buy "processed food". I bought something brand new. Something frivolous and wasteful, too.

Some of this had to do with ability- I was finally able to afford such things. Some of it had to do with interest in living the 'whole earth/green' lifestyle. I had none.

I don't want to change the world through activism, through chasing every penny and every scrap that comes into my home. I don't want to break down barriers, or right too many wrongs- at least not through protest and petitions.

I want to change the world through my awesome children, who are talented, fun, respectful and mostly well behaved. I want to change the world through being a fabulous wife in a loving and committed marriage. I want to change the world through kindness and compassion to the many young men in my circle of friends. Through taco nights, birthday cakes, cookies, Halo parties, fudge and friendship. I want to change the world by being the best example of love and generosity I know how- to my friends, my family and to the immediate world around me. I know it's not a "big plan". I know it won't reach people in China, or make those in Washington reconsider. But it's what I am willing, able and gifted to do.

There are days when I wonder if I am not living up to my mother's hopes and dreams for my life. I wonder if she didn't hope I'd be some big shot lawyer crusading for the "common good". (I still think about becoming a lawyer, but I'm not sure I have the dedication for 10 years of school at this point.) I wonder if I'm being selfish, wasteful and inconsiderate. I wonder if I'm taking the easy way out. Sometimes that idea really bothers me and hurts my heart.

I don't have all the answers and I don't know if there *is* an answer to this and many other problems. But I know I'm doing the best I can, with what I've been given-

and some new stuff I bought at the store.

In the middle

I live in Illinois, a Democratic state- a byproduct of the "Chicago Machine".

Yesterday was election day, and here, like everywhere, people went out to vote. I do my best to vote in every election, even small primaries that don't make a large impact.

Despite my parents' best efforts, (my mother was a far left activist, and my dad is a vocal libertarian)I am a middle of the road kind of lady- not far left or far right. I have voted both Democratic and Republican. I have voted for and against taxes, bonds, improvement funds and much more. If you look at my life time of voting, it's pretty split down the middle. One of the major reasons for this is my tolerance for others, along with my willingness to listen to all ideas and weigh them equally.

I was honestly torn on who to vote for this time around. I was one of those rare "undecided" voters- but because I live in Illinois, my vote was not fought over or cherished like those of an Ohioan or Virginian.


I didn't take voting lightly- I knew that this was a serious choice and no matter my decision, the world I live in would change dramatically. And this time, it would be as a participant and not an observer.

I watched the Columbia Disaster- in school.

I watched Perestroika and Glasnost, the Berlin Wall coming down and the Russian Bloc falling apart on itself. I remember my dad forcing me to stay up, watching CNN until the wee hours of the morning, and him telling me- "this is history".

I watched as Yitzak Rabin was assassinated and the hopes for Palenstinian-Israeli peace crumble before my eyes. I remember crying, and none of my friends understood why.

I watched the US in Kuwait and Iraq the first time and counting hours (not months or years) that it lasted.

I knew I had valid reasons both for and against each candidate.

As I mentioned, I'm from Illinois. One large concern against Obama was who would be placed into his position by our largely unpopular governor, who has a history of using power & influence to reward (and punish) those around him. It wasn't until voting was under way that our governor announced that he would have a council appoint Obama's potential replacement. For Obama were other factors- but they had about the same weight as my concern.

My brother is a disabled veteran, and McCain's sacrifice is incredibly personal, and deeply touching to me. McCain's body took the brunt of an aggressor's dislike, distrust, and anger towards our nation. McCain returned home not disillusioned, but empowered and invested in our country. McCain's years in the service provides him a deep and powerful understanding of our military. His experience in understanding situation reports and information from our commanding officers on the ground would offer invaluable insight and wisdom in the coming years in Iraq. Against McCain were other factors- but they held about the same weight as my concern.


I went about educating myself on both candidates and did the best I could with the tools I had- the power of a personal touch.

I worked for 5 years at our local paper. My desk happened to be in the open air atrium/lobby area, and I was often the 1st or 2nd person the public saw when they entered our building. Our local paper serves a major college area, and the outlying rural communities surrounding it.

Many political candidates come through our area to woo the "downstate" vote (and we're well south of I-80, so we count). When they do so, they often stop at our paper and meet with our editorial board, hoping for endorsement.

I know a politician's "job" is to be friendly and court voters, to be personable and to impress those they meet. I can tell you from personal experience that it does not always work that way. More candidates (or press secretaries) than I can count were rude, snippy, dismissive and mean to the wonderful receptionist at our paper. Many of them treated her (and me) with truly ugly behavior and turned on the charm when the board came to meet them.

I met Senator Obama WAY back in 2002 or early 2003, when he was a complete unknown in our area. He visited with our receptionist, with me, and with countless others in the office. He was poised, classy, friendly, and interested in our questions about his platform and experience. He treated us with kindness.

I've met many local Republicans who campaigned vigorously for McCain. They were truly willing to offer me insight, consideration, information and generosity with their time. Most of them were beyond kind, offering gentle but effective arguments for their candidate.

I found myself yet again, in the middle.

And I left the polling place, I was no different. My ballot this year was split almost entirely evenly- I voted for one tax and against another. I voted for Democrats and Republicans. I voted to retain judges and to remove one. I felt confident I had done my best with the tools I had, and I went home to wait, and watch.

About 10pm, I found myself in the middle of the stream of history, watching my neighbors (because Chicago is not THAT far) celebrate, and the world changing around me. I shared with my children how special a moment like this is- and then we went to bed.

Updates! Pictures! News! Etc.

I had some adventures a few weeks ago I really meant to share, and then I got sick. So, I am updating with some cool pictures and details of all the fun I have had lately. Woohoo (or something)

My SweetPea had a birthday (as I mentioned before). She got all kinds of awesome loot, but the big winner this year was her very own, real, Guitar. She has wanted one for several years now but I've been hesitant to get her one- she's a little flighty and changes her mind a lot, I haven't played an instrument in a LONG time, and I did not want to spend a ton of money. I knew if I went to a guitar store, I would not get what she really needs- a good learning guitar. I'd end up with whatever the salesman thought he could sell me. (I know this about myself, I am very susceptible to sales pitches.) I don't know ANYTHING about guitars, but lots about other instruments.

My mom and stepfather have been playing guitar for over 20 years. They KNOW guitars. They have about 10 or so and love playing, performing, writing and enjoying guitars very much. They went to their local guy (who knows them well and wouldn't sell them junky stuff) and bought the SweetPea a beautiful guitar. Here it is:

The girl is thrilled beyond measure. I have helped her learn to tune it and I have taught her scales, but I know she needs LESSONS. SO, I am on the hunt for a local instructor that likes kids.

OTHER STUFF

We also went fishing (which I think I mentioned) and I have a picture or two. A fun time was had by all.

I noticed that I have taken a lot of SweetPea pictures and not many of TallBoy. So here he is at his fuzzy-wuzzy best.

I also have a picture of me, with the kiddos from my grandmother's 90th birthday party. I don't hate it, which surprises me a great deal.

I made a card a while back that I wanted to share, but forgot. It is for a friend nicknamed "Squirrel"-

He's The Dude's partner at Armored Gopher Games. He's officially been "adopted" by our family. I have baked him cookies, made him stromboli (his favorite), let all our friends know it was his birthday (and as much as he griped he liked it) and much more. He's in our scrapbooks, so he is family.

I also finished my brother's wedding album- it was a LOT of work, but I was really happy with the results and Fixit and his wife LOVED it. So all is good. A sample page (a picture taken by my camera rather than a scan because my scanner does NOT like my laptop at all. Grr.)

I have been really busy at work lately. Today was kind of a fun treat. This week we have had some customers in from Poland to try out their machinery. These guys are far away from home and don't know very much English. We have done a lot to try to make these guys feel comfortable and enjoy their visit. We normally order carry out lunch on Fridays so my boss paid for their meal and we all sat together in the lunchroom, eating and talking. I asked a lot of questions to the guys and soon we were talking about kids, and work, and food, and beer. They LOVE Budweiser! It seems funny to me that we go all the way to Germany for "good beer" and guys from Poland think Bud is "the best". Then we started talking about the beers they did NOT like, and it was a riot. They made fun of several beers for being "sissy beers" and named one brand they thought was better for a baby than grown ups. We really had a good time. One of the ladies in the office was having them over for dinner tonight, and then she and her husband were going to take the guys to the local mall to see kids in costume.

Apparently, they just don't do the same sorts of things for Halloween over in Poland and the idea of Trick-or-Treaters was very novel to these gentlemen. One of the guys was taking pictures with a camera he bought here because they are 3-5 times the cost in Poland. He got a big kick out of the decorations we had in the office, and the candy was puzzling to all of them.

I love that about my job- it is truly international. I have learned so much about different cultures, nationalities, languages and customs. It has made me a better, more well rounded "citizen of the world".

Life's good!

The Myth of Teenagers

There's a popular myth (or urban legend) out there in society that the moment your child turns 13, they become a member of an alien species known as Teen.

Apparently members of the Teen species are rude, insolent, smelly, disobedient, defiant and totally spiteful to their immediate family members as a matter of course. That the Teen species is allowed to full maturation is some sort of heroic effort on the families' parts and is worthy of medals and so on.

I have heard countless tales of how Teens have caused stress, financial hardship, family dissonance, grey hair, hurt feelings and even visits from the legal authorities.

I don't doubt the validity of the stories at all. I doubt the assumption or "pack mentality" that seems to go with Teens, implying that total "DEVO-lution" is inevitable and there is nothing to be done except to grit teeth and hope for the best.

I'm here to bust that myth right open.

Teens are not so dang bad. I honestly don't know a single one that I would characterize as a "bad kid". I do know of one or two who are dealing with bad life choices, in conjunction with parents that don't understand, like or enjoy them.

I think that's the key. I think it's important to like your kid for the people they are, and not who you want them to be.

I LIKE mine. He's smart, funny, independent, thoughtful, compassionate, obsessive, responsible and yes, at times, REALLY annoying. But he is a truly cool guy.

I don't do as many things with him as I did when he was little. Some of that is due to his really INDEPENDENT streak, and some is due to interests. He likes activities that until recently had no appeal to me.

I believe in "active parenting" (if that's a term) so I recognized that I was shortchanging TallBoy and set out to at least TRY his favorite activities.

I was wildly successful at headbanging- I have had lots of practice. However, a headache and bad hair resulted, so I don't do it a lot. He gets his love of reading from me, so trying that was no problem- except reading is fairly solitary and it didn't really add to our shared experiences. I tried Airsoft, but I really, really, really hate guns (even pretend ones) so that did not go well at all. I love basketball, but I am completely uncoordinated (dancing is not the only gross motor skill I lack) and so while it was fun, it was humiliating. And so on- I tried lots of his favorite things, and for the most part, I either had fun but won't do it again or hated it with a passion.

Until painting miniatures. I totally get why he spends so much time with his little metal guys. I do. They are very much like scrapbooking or cards- no right way or wrong way to do it. There's a lot of color choices in painting metal figures- and while I am not a trendy or fabulous scrapper/card maker, I have a good eye for color. So it totally translated to painting. Color is totally personal. So is style. Each figure I painted had it's own character and moments where I was equally frustrated and happy.

And now I have an activity I can sit and do with him, quietly- not invading his space, but being with him. Being there; available. He enjoys painting with me, and so I continue to paint (probably taking longer than I need to on my last two guys in order to spend time with him) and enjoy a new found hobby as well as the fun guy that is TallBoy.

He is also an avid cook, and loves spending time learning new recipes in the kitchen with me. He can make spaghetti, mac & cheese, eggs, bacon, grilled cheese, french toast, hamburger helper, cheeseburger soup and of course, biscuits and three different kinds of cookies. We're working on bread- bread is a process, though. I tend to use the recipe as a guide but work by smell and texture. It's been interesting teaching "texture" to him. But he listens and likes the adventure, so I keep at it.

I love being his mom. I love having a hand in helping him learn who he is, what works for him, and what does not. I love those "aha" moments where he totally GETS something I have been trying to explain to him. I love calling my dad up with yet another of his impossible to answer questions. (My dad knows everything, or at least says he does, haha.) I love tucking his way too big body into his bed at night. I love scaring him to pieces by coming around the corner when he least expects it. (I am terrible, I know.) I love asking him to get something from the top shelf because he is, after all, TallBoy.

I like my kid and I am having the time of my life with him as a teen. Maybe it's me as the parent that is breaking all the rules, but my Teen is not becoming an alien. I'm actually getting to know him better.

Reasons for Joy

The corn is coming down.

I am not sick anymore!

I went fishing with SweetPea and TallBoy on Sunday the 12th. I saw SweetPea catch her first fish (yay!) and she went on to catch a total of 6. The weather was perfect (75 with a slight breeze, sunny); there was a weenie roast & smores (again!) and we truly enjoyed ourselves.

SweetPea turned 12 on the 16th and had a fabulous birthday! She got loads of fun presents and enjoyed the whole week (presents came in little by little). Her favorite present is a guitar (thanks mom!) and now I get to help her learn to love playing music. Yay!

SweetPea, TallBoy & I drove up to Chicagoland area on the 18th to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. I saw family I hadn't seen in years and TallBoy completely amazed everyone with how TALL he is. (He recently grew a little- he is now 6 foot, easy.)

My mother rode in the car with us part of the way and we had a lot of fun talking.

My Brother (Fixit) and his wife loved the scrapbook album I made for their wedding present.

I love this part of fall- when things are harvested and it's cool and pleasant.

Basketball is almost over and I will have evenings at home, with kids, dog & the Dude again, very soon.

Despite being older, TallBoy and SweetPea still need their mom every now and then.

SweetPea & TallBoy are very affectionate kids and let me know they love me.

It is now two-blanket season. That means I have extra reason to snuggle The Dude, who is really WARM (he's covered in fur- he has his OWN blanket).

Life is full of reasons for joy. It''s our job to find them.

Books & Literature

I am a serious reading nut. I have actively been NOT reading for about 2 months now due to time issues. I just haven't had a minute where I felt I could devote myself to a book.

You see, when I read a book, that's ALL I do. I don't do laundry or wash dishes, or vacuum or put away laundry or put away dishes. or talk to the kids or The Dude, or pet the dog, or read the paper, or any of my other mundane life things. I sit in a comfy spot and read a book. I can (and do) often multi-task with TV, though. It drives The Dude CRAZY. He thinks I am reading and he'll channel hop, and I'll pipe up with "Hey, I was watching that".

Sunday I picked up a copy of Twilight at my friend's house and asked to borrow it. I've heard a lot about it but hadn't gotten a chance to read it yet. I had it done by Tuesday morning. Honestly, it is "meh", but I like some of the elements so I am interested in seeing where it goes. I have borrowed books 3 & 4 and TallBoy will get Book 2 from his school library for me.


Reading sort of runs in my family. My mom & stepfather are literature professors and my stepmom is a librarian. My stepmom's got an awesome living room that is floor to ceiling built-in bookshelves all the way around it (and the room is over 1000sqft)- and they are FULL of books. My dad is a consummate reader and always has been. All these people invested a lot in teaching me to read critically and to take away something more than just a story.

Books as an overall rule are some of my greatest friends. I adore finding inference, understanding tone, "listening" to voices, and gathering new places into my imagination and understanding. I truly find refuge in a good story- I especially like series with a fun character.

Books (fiction) are fun, inviting, and sort of disposable. Once I am done with one, I can move on and invest in something else. Literature is a different sort of thing entirely.

I couldn't possibly explain the major differences between casual fiction and literature, except that tone and intent are vastly different. This is mostly because I am not a literature studier or aficionado, but rather an explorer. I've read a great number of classics, a lot of modern American literature, a LOT of French lit, and some very unusual choices have come to me through friends, co-workers, the old book bin at my former employer, or my librarian friends through the years. Literature is something I hold onto and treasure for a long time, and utilize as a tool and place of learning as I change and grow.


My personal "place of solace" is Phantom Of the Opera by Gaston Leroux. it's got beauty, art, architecture, society, humanity, deceit, betrayal, revenge, and so much more. And it is very truly French- which I adore about it.

Any good finds lately? Anything you find yourself going back to again and again?

fall, drive to work

It's fall, so I thought I would share some of the beauty of central (flat) Illinois. I see this stuff on my way to work nearly every day. Some of it is MUCH prettier in the spring, some in the summer, and some in the fall. Almost nothing is really gorgeous in the winter except our little river when there is snow on the trees and the water is filming over. THAT is downright breathtaking.

I've got some corn, some general "out the window" scenery, and a few pictures of the sky as morning is breaking.

Our corn is *really * ready to come down. I know that the area farmers are trying to get their crops down and into the silos as quick as they can- these crops are precious to them. We heard about frost a couple counties over and the elevator across from my house was BOOMING the next day.

The light in the early morning is just beautiful. I love how it is breaking through the clouds here, illuminating little pieces of the world with brilliance.

Just the sunrise being inspiring, thrilling and spectacular. Love it. I see it every day and I am never unmoved.

A pretty grove along the side of the road on my way home.

This last one is an overpass that is being rebuilt. It was evaluated after the bridge collapse in Minnesota and deemed undriveable. The DOT came in about a month ago and started working. The work has been amazingly quick! They literally put warnings that the bridge would be out on a Monday and by the following Friday the bridge was GONE. Just this past week there was NO bridge at all- they were still working on the supports and pilings. I took this picture on Friday, and as you can tell, there is the beginnings of a bridge there now. They want it ready to drive on before November. Amazing what engineering and American workers can do.

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SweetPea and I went to a welcome wienie roast that our church held. (We have really only been going to this church for about 3 months.) It was at a small farm outside of another rural town nearby. The owner of the property raises beef cattle- and I have some pictures. He let SweetPea and a couple other kids go in the enclosure and FEED the cattle- SweetPea *loved* it. I'm fairly urban, so this was kind of new to me. The farm owner was very generous with his time and explained all about how he runs his cattle business (up to and including butchering). It was really kind of neat, and I really got to learn something totally new.

Here are some of his cattle, and their BEAUTIFUL calves can be seen in the left corner. They were SO pretty! I wanted to take one home, haha.

He also had a hay ride set up for the kids. Of course SweetPea wanted to go. Her friend "S" went with her and they had a blast. SweetPea practiced her "RockStar" look, and then posed nicely.

Of course, some of the parents wanted to ride too. It looked like everyone had a fun time.

It had been a LONG time since I had been to an old fashioned wienie roast. When I was young, my mom used to be friends with a guy that ran a Christmas tree farm. He used to do bonfires and haunted walks and cookouts all the time and we always went. It was really fun, we had a lot of room to run, and we ate until we nearly puked. We'd fall asleep on the way home in the car, and I'd wake up smelling all "woodsy" from the smoke. I really enjoyed myself today, and it brought back some truly wonderful memories.

Thinking about brothers!

I've got 3 of 'em. They are all younger. They are all very different from each other.

They are:
Oldest- "Soldier"
Middle-"Fix-it"
Youngest-"Rhett" (As in GWTW)


And they are all adults now.

Which is really, really weird. My "middle" (he was the baby for ages) brother got married in July to a FANTASTIC woman that I adore. Yay for her- she rocks. It was a little strange watching this man promise to love this woman and realize it's the same guy I held, rocked, diapered and teased incessantly.

Soldier is already married to a great gal from Canada. Again, it was weird watching him move into another phase in his life, after our lives were so intertwined for so long (he lived with me after discharging from the Army and prior to marriage)

Rhett is a strange creature. His exterior is southern charm, excellent manners and good breeding. Then he goes out to a party and he's very much the runnin' rebel.

I miss them, but I will see them in 2 weeks at a major family affair.

Tags

So I was tagged- a pretty generic "6 random things about you" tag.


1- I like my scrambled eggs with grape jelly. My kids think this is thoroughly NUTS.

2- I read very quickly. Not quite speed-reader level, but I can polish off a 600 page book in 5 or 6 hours.

3- I have yet to be beaten in a serious thumb wrestling contest.

4- I cannot dance. My feeble attempts make Peter Garret and Sinead O'Connor look coordinated.

5- My favorite color has changed 3 times in my life. (In comparison, my SweetPea's favorite color changed 3 times in a single day last week.)

6- I did not discover my birthmark until I was 12 or 13. (It's on my head, under my hair.)

Ta-da!

My metal!

I finally finished my 'jacks and I think they look wicked awesome.

They have a VERY Iron Man thing going on, but I am extremely happy with them. I haven't intentionally painted figures since TallBoy was a baby and I was really nervous about trying again. I am glad I did, but I don't know if I will play very much. Between time, money and a million other interests, WarMachine may be at the bottom of the pile.

But OH, I love painting. I really, really love painting them.

Here's my favorite:

Cards!

I have a fun bunch of cards to show. I hope you like them. My comments are below.

basic but cute



love this one!



very girly



one of my favorites in this bunch



not sure if this works or not



I'm in love with the simplicity of this.



my favorite color!



way cute.



Love everything about this one



sometimes simple is good!



it's pink. Please don't make me say anything more.



I absolutely love how fun this is!



fun!



pretty, elegant, good color.



Playing with an older set, and white on dark here.



My absolute favorite here. I love the color, shape, contrast, simplicity- everything about it.

You know the camera has a cord, right?

I am so oblivious to reality.

I have always used my computer's memory card reader and never thought twice about it. The camera came with a USB cord to allow me to upload photos sans reader. I never even got it out of the box. The camera is 4+ years old. I used my cord for the first time today after Fin laughed at me when I asked to borrow his laptop so I could upload my pictures and email them to myself.

The scrapbook I am working on (obviously not my brother's wedding album):

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

From Not Quite Pretty

It really IS a work in progress. I haven't decided if I am using pictures in it or not at this time. I know I'll be using lyrics from Mary J. Blige's CD "Growing Pains", specifically "Work in Progress", "Work This" and "Grown Woman" for journaling inspiration.

Next up, a slide show of my cards.

I think that needs a new post.

Arg!

TallBoy went to Homecoming last night. With a girl.

It was just as friends, but this is by far the biggest development in his social life in years. He was so excited about it he couldn't sleep Thursday night and paced a lot.

The night started well- we had the girl over for homemade pizza and cookies. He wore a polo (he is strictly a T-shirt kid). He bought her a corsage and paid for her tickets. He held the door for her. I drove them over to the game and they hung out and talked while watching our team lose (horribly) again.

Then another boy shows up and hits on this girl (who TallBoy REALLY LIKES and has been slowly trying to earn a position as boyfriend material with) all night. In front of TallBoy.

I was elected driver to and from Homecoming as The Dude had to work at 5 am today and would need to go to bed early. I am usually in bed by 10 at the latest and stayed up until almost 1am with picking the kids up, driving her home and dealing with TallBoy.

TallBoy did not have a fun night. He's too nice to say anything to either the girl or the guy and spent most of the night moping and being full of angst.

Then TallBoy couldn't sleep and was up at 4am. The Dude and I offered some advice and tried to help him gain some perspective. Because like it or not, TallBoy is in high school and he will encounter this sort of situation again. And he needs some help dealing with it.

While TallBoy was off at Homecoming, I made some cards. Mostly birthday cards, but a couple all occasion as well. I already had a large collection of "thank you"s made so I didn't need any of those. I took pictures of the ones I made and the ones I had to upload and show off. I also took pictures of my Khador figs and a scrapbook I am working on, for a virtual "progress report".

I am still using our backup computer because our regular one is STILL SICK from the dang virus. The backup computer does not have a memory card reader.

Arg!

Cooking - my love/hate relationship

I love cooking- when I am not tired or cranky, when I have no plans, and when my whole family will be able to enjoy my efforts.

I hate cooking- when I am tired, cranky, recently home from work, there are no ingredients in the house, SweetPea, TallBoy or The Dude will not be able to sit down and eat it, or when I have a bajillion things to do.

I am not a great cook, either. I have about 10 real recipes I do well and a lot of "OK" ones. I try to find easy, fun recipes that my World's Pickiest Eater (TM) *aka TallBoy* will enjoy. On a budget. I could tear my hair out just with all of that.

Then there is the dreaded "what do you want for dinner" discussion.

NO one at my house has an opinion on any regular basis- so I get relegated to cooking whatever seems easiest at the time because I am too tired to THINK about cooking. And the wonder is, they eat it. Usually with a smile and "thank yous".

But baking, I always like. I always enjoy trying new breads, cookies, rolls, desserts or what have you. I don't know what my fascination with the oven is, but anything I put in it brings about a general soothing feeling and a sense of peace.

This weekend I made some biscuits and some "everything" cookies- a cookie without flour. SweetPea enjoyed them very much, and so did Fin. TallBoy did NOT like them - they had a large amount of oatmeal, which he hates. They are eaten now and I am planning my next baking brigade.

But not cooking.

Life today

The Dude worked at the store 5 days this week. Because the store is 25 miles away, he stayed in town and didn't come home between jobs, and was gone from 5am to midnight on 4 of those days. The other, he left before I came home from work and I did not see him before I went to bed.

My wonderful teen son reminded me yet again why I do not own weaponry. (Grades and homework are NOT his strong point, regardless of how brilliant he is. ) My darling daughter was sick and I have no time off at work. The laundry was not done. Dishes were not done. Homework battles, sticking to my guns on discipline and other normal harried mom junk became a million times harder because I was doing it alone.

The single-married mom phenomenon is not unique. I know a lot of women whose husbands are in grad school, or who work construction, or who deal with deployments etc. Most of the women I know personally run their homes as their first job.

I work outside the home as well as run my household and I was on an even keel until the Dude decided to take on extra days at the store every other week. Now I am all out of whack and I couldn't even ask him to hold me while I whined about it. I'm learning not to whine and trying to get better at time management.

I just have a million things going on. I'm trying to learn frugal cooking, I have some baking projects on my agenda, I have a scrapbooking project I want to finish, I have 2 games now (invited to a new one recently and no character for a run tonight, eek), I am painting WM minis (Doomreavers and finishing Kommandos), making a Magic deck and sorting cards- plus SweetPea is in basketball & Girl Scouts, I have church events and a teenager with a social life.

I need a V8!

The *enemy* invaded!

No, not really. But it felt like it.

This past weekend was our town's small town "Krazy Daze" event (fall festival sort of thing). I knew that there were going to be all kinds of great activities (face painting, Karoake, dunk tank, cake walk, bike decorating etc) but I did NOT know they were having a car show in my front yard.

I looked out my window Saturday and there were a bajillion people in the empty lot ("my" front yard) across the street from my house. A million and one cool old cars, a tonna kids, and all the police for several miles. They were busily blocking off my little corner of the world with barricades and setting up events for the rest of the day.

I live on the back corner of a rectangular block which makes the main block in our little town. I am on the same block as the bank, grocery store, hair salon, hardware store, dollar store and consignment store for kids' clothes. There are 3 houses on my block- all on my back end. All the rest of the block is businesses. I was quickly getting blocked in (so I couldn't get OUT) so that other people could not park in the lot intended for events.

I ran outside and got my car moved so I could leave (which I had to do later anyway) and checked out the schedule for the events. I fished out some money for my kiddos to run about town with, and let them wander.


Things cleared up around 3-4 and I had my yard back, sort of. It was still hangout central for a herd of teenagers for a while.

Later in the day the town threw a parade. We live on the parade route and we make a habit of watching the parade from our front steps. My kids got tons of candy (even though they are a little old for parade candy) and then took about 5 HUGE handfuls over to a little girl who watched the parade from the other side of the street.

There was a street dance/music later and the TallBoy & Associates went out and had a nice time "hanging out" while being good.

Sunday morning, I took Cash on his EarlyAm(TM) walk and there were a good 20 bags of trash yet to be picked up. I had to be extra vigilant on the leash to make sure he didn't get any candy or gum. I also had to make sure he didn't eat leftover food or um, evidence of the beer tent.

I got a report from the owner of the grocery store (a SUPER nice guy) that the receipts from this past weekend were much better than expected due to nicer weather than the forecast predicted. He said there's a lot of money for some great future events and that the invasion while crazy, was worth it.

Entering Foreign Territory- Teen Dating

Well, color me befuddled.

My darling, adorable, freckled, super-cute "little star" went and got to be "TallBoy" and in the process has developed attractiveness to the girl kind.

GULP.

I'm actually pretty relaxed about it, but it is fairly amusing to me that my sweaty, smelly, not-entirely-social teen boy has suddenly turned into an obsessive neat freak that showers a million times a week and has a girl (and sometimes more than one) calling/texting/hanging out with him in a matter of WEEKS.

Gotta love the senior factor of Fin- but TallBoy did a lot of this himself. He is very confident about himself and does not let anyone else change the way he acts or what he does. He likes games, action movies, painting miniatures, reading way out there fantasy/sci-fi/morbid vampire stuff (um, he's MY kid) and is not really all that shallow. He doesn't kowtow or follow the back at ALL.

All this time he's been a little "different"; he's been lying in wait for someone to discover that he's ok for who HE is. He recently found a couple of girls who have figured out that his being "weird" is actually a GOOD thing, because he is not interested in acting like an idiot to impress his "buddies"- he wants to impress the GIRL.

He has been actively showing off his cooking skills ( I am also teaching him laundry so he will make good husband material) and has introduced quite a few of his friends to a large number of new bands out of our 1500+CD library. He likes poetry and actually has an interest in acting, so he's been getting loads of female attention lately.

And it is crazy. As a mom, I am just incredulous- but thrilled.

One of the girls he's interested in (at least a little, but possibly longer term than not) is the former girlfriend of Fin. I warned TallBoy of the potential for drama- quite loudly. This girl is so cute I'd hit on her if I were male. She's also 17 and drives. I heard a few interesting comments about the age difference; but The Dude is almost 6.5 years older than I am, so I can't really say a lot. I CAN give good advice. I talk to TallBoy a lot about a variety of things and amazingly enough, he listens. Mostly.

The other girl is one much closer to his age, but VERY recently broke up with one of TallBoy's friends' brothers. More drama, anyone? Again, I have very little room to talk as I dated The Dude's roommate before I dated The Dude, and The Dude dated my former best friend.

Ah, the nature of relationships and how they become tangled. I CAN give good advice, though. TallBoy listens- mostly.

TallBoy and the younger girl (no nickname as yet) are going to Homecoming "as friends". TallBoy had not completely thought about this proposition as he did not know or understand that he was paying for WAY more than his ticket. (Her ticket, a flower/corsage, meal... ) I WILL teach this boy manners if it kills me.

He does not know if she is interested in him as a "boyfriend" yet, but she's been at our house 4 nights this week. She's enjoyed herself with him and has asked to come over again.

So far we've set some house rules- but "dating" has not officially begun. I am not sure I am ready- but I can't fail HIM either.

I just have to learn how to hide grey hair.