Another game update

I'm thinking that I may start a game blog, or change the focus of this one just a little. Still processing that thought. 

About the time my character Jak died, my gaming life took a very unusual turn. I had a LOT of opportunities very suddenly. I have a chance to play with a whole new group of people, without my kids or my husband; a chance to play with my husband (but no kids); and an option to run my OWN game.

I've always had a little bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to the gaming crowd and how I'm viewed. The Dude is well known and very respected in our circle, and many times I had the feeling that I was accepted by default.

Jak dying was sort of a wake up call to me. I had no less than four different conversations with people regarding my plans, my interests, my desire to keep playing, etc. Every person I talked to encouraged me to stay in the game and had really positive things to say about me as a player. It's kind of neat to know I don't stink.

It's The Dude's Birthday!

I have had the wonderful priveledge of being married to The Dude for a LONG time. I really, really enjoy him- a lot. He's funny, handsome, caring, honest, dedicated, passionate, witty, loyal, and a fabulous dad. He's my very best friend (girlfriend K, I hope you understand! You're wonderful in your own right!) and above all else, he makes me feel safe.

For me, feeling safe is more important than money, fame, power, faith, a nice car, being well read or any other "big compatibility concern" that other peolpe have. That warm, soft feeling I get when he talks to me, looks at me, holds me or just makes me LAUGH is more valuable than gold.

I cannot tell him in words how much he means to me. It just doesn't seem possible. I've been working very hard to show him in actions and attitude that what he is to me, what he means to me, and how much he gives me are appreciated.

He's better than great; excellent or fabulous. He's kind of my rock star.

(A moment to remember one of his favorite rock stars, Joey Ramone- who died 9 years ago today.)

Today, my rock star is a little older. To me, it's a cause for celebration. I get more time to be with the man I love.

Happy birthday, my darling man. It's your birthday, and you're THE DUDE!

Game Update

Jak, the character I have been playing for over 2 years, died Saturday.

I've seen a fair share of uncool, underhanded, or just downright jerky player character deaths throughout the years I've been gaming. I've seen personal grudges taken out on players, vindictiveness and humiliation transposed onto the fictional lives of my friends, relatives and even my own imagining.

Jak's death was none of those. It was a fair, clean kill. It was in some ways an object lesson- and I am ok with that. Jak died protecting the ones he loved most, defending those weaker than himself, and he died fighting. Jak had resisted the temptation to let his anger, frustration, discontent and fear take over for a very long time; but when the time came to fight- he did. I'm very content with how he died-it was fitting to how I've played him and how I envisioned him.

I am a little disoriented by his death. I had a lot of ideas for him, and I put a lot of work into fleshing him out. I put a lot of energy into the game overall, and I protected with a vigilance that's fairly rare for me. It was my place to breathe and relax through all the things life is throwing at me, and to have it suddenly gone is a little strange.

I had a few moments of panic- because the players in the game, the ST, the time and the place in many ways became my home. To have your home taken away unexpectedly, to have what you hoped & dreamed of removed- it's jarring and a little hard to swallow.

But it's a game. It's fun, a way to relax and escape. And now I get to come up with a new idea. I'm looking forward to playing a character that's a lot more like myself- because Jak was tough to play. Who knows what I'll do next, but I am looking forward to a new home.