And SweetPea Too

My SweetPea is almost 12. She is short for her age, a little stringy, and still has a lot of soft spots.

She has started to develop just a little, but has not started her big growth spurt yet. She's built like the Dude's side of the family with long legs and narrow hips, but not a lot of chest. (Yet.)

She's a very different kid than her brother TallBoy. She's more of a 'middle of the pack' kind of girl. She doesn't lead, and she's not a BLIND follower, but you won't see her making waves. She's not always confident with herself, but is willing to try new things. She has a lot of friends, for the most part. For now.

She will enter 6th grade tomorrow.

When she was little, she was fearless. We chased her from danger, mischief and trouble incessantly. She danced and swam (or tried) before she could walk. She chased cars, ate dirt, and plunged into life with zeal.

She came to me yesterday and sat in my lap (which is big enough for my kids but rarely used due to their reluctance) and told me that she is scared. She told me that she "wants to be good at this" and HOPES she will be "good at this". But she's scared.

I want, more than anything, to swoop her up and smell her soft, tender sweet self and tell her it'll be ok, and that Mom will make it better. I want to hold my beautiful balance baby (she's a Libra in EVERY sense) and make all the fear, unknown and weirdness go away. But, I can't.

I have to teach her how to be a "big tough girl", how to negotiate bad teachers, mean girls, PE, boys, sports, how to balance time management and how to do it all while keeping herself HERSELF. AND I have to try to teach her all of this the way SHE learns, with HER heart in mind.

She is in many ways drastically and dramatically DIFFERENT than I was at her age.

She CARES about what other people think of her. She WANTS people to like her. She does not want to be in trouble, cause a fuss or not be 'popular'. I have no idea how to counsel this different-from-me child, but I bravely soldier on and do my best- because I cannot fail her.

I cannot ever -EVER- let her feel that I do not support or love her. I cannot let her think I don't understand her. I cannot let her feel 'outside' or 'unusual'. I have to equip her to be herself, strong, confident and capable, all while doing it from an alien landscape.

I think this year will be a good year for her. She's going to be on her own (TallBoy will be at another school) and she will have to learn to do things for herself, and be out of his shadow. She's very close friends with a girl who is physically different (cleft palate) and may very well face the choice of being a true friend or going with the crowd. She'll have to manage new schedules and teachers and all those things Jr High brings. I think she will develop- a lot. (Mentally AND physically. I see signs of a growth spurt coming on soon.) I think changes are going to happen and we will have to face them, and I will have to help explain them and how to deal with them- in her language.

My SweetPea is a Junior High Schooler. EEK!