A Single Light

Just one light can bring hope to the hopeless, direction to the lost and strength to the weary.

No matter what faith, tenet or belief you follow,


be that light.


{If the world is night, shine my life like a light-

Emily & Amy; you sing it so well}


Merry Christmas

Extra Gravity

The other night I made my kids' favorite dinner, Cheeseburger soup. It's hamburger meat, tomato soup, cheddar cheese soup, milk and noodles all cooked together until the noodles are done. My kids LOVE this dinner. I usually make a double batch and TallBoy usually eats it all.

We sat and ate our dinner, and TallBoy kept dropping noodles on his shirt. He starts making up pretend bad words and giving me dirty looks as a joke. The dropping continues. He starts to get seriously annoyed- it's his favorite dinner and he can't get it into his mouth. Finally he asks me,

"Mom, what's wrong with this cheeseburger soup? I keep dropping it! Did you put extra gravity in it or something?"

I found this exchange hilarious and "extra gravity" became a catch phrase at our house just for sheer silliness.

However, it's with sincere extra gravity that I was given a layoff notice at work. They are employing everyone for 3 weeks guaranteed starting December 29 (but we'll all be on mandatory vacation) and they will call people back as work develops. However they cannot promise who or how many will be called back at the end of this 3 weeks. I'll have a paycheck until roughly mid to late January. My immediate supervisor and the president of the company have both told me they will be GLAD to reccomend me and write excellent references for me, which is a blessing and a solace to me.

I'll be honest, I had about an hour of pure terror and desperate hurt. I wanted very much to cry, to swear, to hurt something. And then I remembered I had to tell my kids about this.

One thing I've always wanted to do as a parent was to make sure my kids knew that the grownups were in CHARGE, and that they would handle the grown up problems. To show fear, or anger, or frustration in the face of a grown up problem does not say (to me) that I am in charge or that I could handle my problem.

So I bucked up and discussed it with them. It was a tough discussion, and they handled it as themselves. My TallBoy was determined and grim faced while SweetPea was tearful and emotional. That's just who they are and I get to help them through this just as much as I get to help myself.

So I spent a long time in prayer last night, asking the Lord to direct me and move me where he wants me to go. I have to put absolute faith that he will provide for our family, and that we will survive this and be strengthened through our togetherness and reliance on G-d.

I'm encouraged that I already have several leads and a wonderful friend from church gave me several ideas already. I'm lucky to have a very flexible skill set and I'm heartened by my family.

I'm a little excited at the idea of a vacation, but I know I will be working every day of it. The positive is that I'll be able to spend some time with my kids. I'm praying this time will be a blessing to all of us and that we'll find a treasure in the midst of all this challenge.

Musings at not quite 6am & a bleg

Our family had a very happy time laughing about the recent Bush press conference. We've known for several years that it is the ULTIMATE Iraqi insult to throw a shoe at someone and found the entire situation preposterously funny. Simply because someone actually threw a shoe-we giggled for a long time.

My mother proved her status as awesome again. She sent TallBoy some things Rhett (my youngest brother) had outgrown including pairs of Nike Shox, And1, and Addidas Pros - and all of them fit. None of these are cheap shoes to begin with, and they're all on the "cool" side - and they fit! (he's wearing size 13 or 14 shoes, so shoes that fit are a big deal)

I really don't like snow and ice and can't wait for it to be warm again. I spoke to a man in Australia Monday and it was 30+ C there... I'm jealous. (But Christmas in summer seems really strange to me)

Blegging for good deeds:

A good girlfriend fell on the ice last Monday and dislocated her kneecap. She's in a knee brace for 8 weeks and today it's like a hard candy shell outside. I hope she stays safe.

Any ideas for a care package for her as she recovers? She LOVES reading and pop-culture TV. I'm looking for great ideas so send 'em my way. I'd love to be able to bring her a basket of goodies to let her know how much I care about her. She's a really good friend.

'Tis the Season

As a general rule, I hate the "Christmas machine".

You know, the Illuminati that tells retailers to bring out wreaths and snowmen in September, to encroach on our other perfectly good and wonderful holidays, to spew out more "must have" crap, and to play OBNOXIOUS Christmas music incessantly from October until January.

Honestly. Christmas music (in my opinion) is bad enough at one or two songs a shot. To play LOTS of it, repeatedly is beyond annoying. It's a form of torture. (Maybe they should send THAT idea down to Guantanamo)

I don't hate all Christmas music- but much of it misses the point. Most of it is sentimental pablum, wishing for snow, goodies, sugar and that idyllic idea of Christmas that none of us can recreate at home.

I enjoy a few songs. To me, they are deeply reflective of what *I* feel Christmas is all about. Christmas isn't about stuff, or snow, or trees, or snowmen, or reindeer or Santa. Christmas is about Christ, and peace.

I was out with TallBoy recently, and I was occupied in my head with a bunch of things I "had to do". We sat down and ate our lunch somewhere and I didn't notice that they were playing Christmas music continuously until the 3rd song in. Then it hit me and I prepared for the worst- the sappy, giddy, goody-goody songs that are so popular.

Instead, it was an old version of one of my personal favorite Christmas songs-
The Little Drummer Boy

The simplicity of the gift the Drummer gave always strikes me. I'm ashamed that I have not always given "my best for him" when I hear this song. But I'm always encouraged that even a song, played by a child, is enough for my King. And that a simple gift, given with a willing heart, is truly precious.
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I made a large batch of Christmas cards Saturday. I took some with me when I was at 'Gopher and made them out for a few of the guys there. (I have more to pass out yet.) One of the guys was a little dumbfounded- he really doesn't know me well. But he's a regular at our store and someone I wanted to share Christmas with.

He asked "why do I get a card? what's the deal?"

Another regular who knows me VERY well replied- "Because that's what she DOES."

Yeah, I make cards and I share things that are important to me.
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I was given a very surprising Christmas present recently. Some friends of mine showed me that they care much more for me than I knew or imagined, and that they are willing to pick up my burdens and help me carry the load when it gets heavy. They showed me how friends care and nurture each other, even when it's sticky or you might get messy. Friendship is a simple idea, but a tough concept to master. Being shown a concrete example is often the best gift you can get. And I'm grateful.

Head Space

I've had some unpleasant mental junk going on lately and I've been having a hard time dealing with it. I've had a hard time dealing with anything, really.

I realized very recently that the things I have loved to do, the things that create great excitement in me, and give me my purpose were just so much "MEH" to me lately.

I realized that I did not want to do normal everyday things and even dealing with my kids (which is usually the highlight of my day) was driving me crazy.

I tried to scrapbook recently and was appalled at how much I hated my papers. I knew that when I wanted to throw away my Basic Grey, SOMETHING was wrong.

I made myself do some things that I normally really really enjoy- and I couldn't hack it. I started feeling weird, paranoid, and closed in about halfway through them.

I sat down to make some Christmas cards for a project (not for my family or friends) and didn't hate it. I actually found myself sort of having fun. I made way more than I planned and didn't want to stop.

I found something I wanted to do again- so I'm running with it. I WANT to make 65 Christmas cards this weekend.

Yeah, I want to do something. I don't know if I should be excited or sad. But I want to do something.

Mom Powers

A few months ago, TallBoy was in his room, being good and quiet and leaving me alone. His music was on at a tolerable level and he was not doing anything wrong. (All was good in the world!)

I was in the living room and watching TV quietly. I made the realization that TallBoy had not showered in *too long* and decided he needed to do so.

I sent him a text message. "You need to take a shower."

His reply: "How can you smell me through four rooms and a door?"

Me: "Mom Powers"

TallBoy was beside himself and made a big fuss about it, but did shower. He STILL uses this instance to discuss how UNFAIR my mom talents are. (I'm also capable of hearing muttered bad words from several rooms away and of knowing homework is not turned in. Just unfair.)

Monday, he was sitting next to me on the couch and cuddling me. He was being good and courteous and helping get me beverages or books or what have you as my leg & foot tried to heal.

I looked over at him and noticed something in his pocket, so I poked it. I did not ask him what it was or say anything about it, I just thought about what it might be. (this whole series of events only took about 10 seconds, maybe) It was rectangular, flat, thin and stiff. It was not a cell phone as that is in my room. It was not keys (wrong shape and size). It was not money. Though it was the right size, it did not have bumps on it and he is too young so it was not a credit card. I quickly deduced it was

"Student ID"

TallBoy's mouth dropped open. He looked at The Dude with this "WTH" expression on his face. He said:

"How does she DO that?!!! How did she KNOW? I just got it today and I didn't even tell her about it! It's just WRONG!"

My reply:

"Mom Powers".

Most of the time my "mom powers" are me being MUCH more observant than I let on. I spend a lot of time acting a little distracted (and sometimes I really am distracted) so my kids tell me things they would never say if they thought I was paying attention. They may not say it out loud, but I watch them and know their body language. I know their moods and habits. I know them very well, because I pay attention. Just quietly.

Other times it is my "been there, done that" experiences. It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager and I remember some of the things I dealt with all too well. I use my youth to my advantage when dealing with my kids.

Someday I may let my children in on the parental secret. That we're not so dumb after all.

But for now it's a lot more fun to let the TallBoy think I'm some kind of freak, and that I have

Mom Powers.

Dirt Nap

I've never been a graceful person. In fact, I'm notoriously clumsy. I have a definite KNACK for falling down, bumping things, getting hurt, and even breaking bones (my left foot, three times).


Cash and I have a habit of getting out of the house between 5am and 5:30 to go for a walk. He likes to sniff everything and mark it all- to make sure that other dog knows this is "his" block, and I like to get a LITTLE exercise.

This walk has been very good for me, but I've fallen many times while leading the dog around. I turn my left foot fairly often but can usually hang in there. I usually fall when it's wet or slippery, but now and then I fall for no good reason.

Last winter I feel very hard on my left knee, and just as it was getting stronger, fell on it again. It's been weakened ever since and I do my best not to overwork it.

Today, I took Cash on his walk and as we turned the corner, we saw the dog we call "Bear". He's a HUGE Golden Retriever with as silly a personality as Cash's. Bear was across the street, headed away from us. Cash saw and smelled "Bear" and started acting like a goof immediately. I got him calmed down, went around the block and into the house.

I got ready for work, got my things together and headed out the front door.

Honestly, the next thing I remember is screaming on the walk in front of our house. I absolutely lost the ability to think, to reason, to form any sort of thought. I just screamed. And screamed. And then screamed some more.

SweetPea's room is at the front of the house, right behind the front door. She was getting ready for school. Poor SweetPea was so shaken by the sound of her mom screaming, she panicked and started crying; "MOM! MOM!MOM! MOMMMMMMMMMM!".

That's all I heard for a moment. My beautiful girl was scared and I absolutely could NOT help her. I couldn't do anything. I was the reason she was scared. She was afraid for me.

Then I heard Cash, banging at the door, his tags jangling. Then I saw bare feet, and The Dude's hands, touching me and holding my hand. He'd thrown on pants (but nothing else) before he ran out to help me.

TallBoy was there, too. He was apologizing for something, but at the time, words were not making very much sense to me. Apparently TallBoy thought I'd been shot, or stabbed, based on my crying alone and had run to the kitchen to get a weapon. He was apologizing for taking so long to help me.

I had no idea of time. I only knew pain. Tearing, searing, rip me apart and sew me back together WRONG pain. I know I cried and screamed some more- fairly incoherently- for a while before The Dude could get me calmed down. TallBoy and the Dude finally got my brain back in my head and got me inside- after much back and forth of TheDude and TallBoy for shoes and coats and such.

It had been clear and dry when Cash and I went out for our walk. When I left the house, it was drizzling freezing rain and my front steps had frozen over with unseen ice.

I had slipped on our front steps. My left leg, which is weak already, had turned to the right very sharply as I fell, and all my weight landed on both my knee and ankle when I went down (and I am a big girl, let me tell you).

I spent a while in the front lawn taking a "dirt nap", but now I'm at home, on Tylenol with Codine.

I can't tell you how wonderful The Dude is being to me. I adore this man beyond all possible measure and I am so grateful to him for how well he cares for me. He's not traditionally "romantic", but any man that runs into the front yard with no shirt or shoes in sub-freezing temperatures while it's raining ice to pick me up off the yard is my knight in shining armor.

I have...

done some of this stuff:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (orchestra counts, right?)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (helped one of my best girlfriends do so with siblings- does that count?)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables (when at home with my mom)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow
22. Hitch hiked (I've picked up a hitch hiker, though)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (someone has done it for me)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing (went shrimping once)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (food bank)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason (one of two times I got flowers from the Dude)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (sorry)
68. Flown in a helicopter (airplane)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (I was born on Feb 12- in East Central Illinois. )
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job ( I was 17 and stupid)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (same one, three times)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (when I was 5)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (when I was 5)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating **this will NEVER happen!**
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own (ok I admit this was a total blog-theft!)

Why don't they tell me this stuff?

#1Showering before bed. BEST. TIMESAVER.EVER.
If I had known, I totally would have been doing this -YEARS- ago.

#2My optimal operating hours are 8a-8p. So DUH, a job that is 7a-4p is not entirely ideal. ESPECIALLY when it means getting up at !5! AM. It makes me tired, cranky and not so good at doing my normal mom/wife/me stuff. Thus, #1 is well and TRULY a miraculous discovery.

#3If your schedule requires you to go to bed WAY early (like, oh, 9pm) so you can actually WAKE up at !5! am, caffeine anytime after, um, noon- is BAD.

#4Girl children that are "nothing like" me are way more like me than I ever realized possible- just in totally sneaky, illuminating ways. The mother's curse is a funny thing because I'm discovering I LIKE this girl more and more every day. And understand myself more clearly too.

#5There will be days where you can't keep up with your brain. And then there will be days when your brain is off and your body is hotwired. I keep hoping they will mesh for me someday.

#6I've got a pretty good life. Who knew?