Another game update

I'm thinking that I may start a game blog, or change the focus of this one just a little. Still processing that thought. 

About the time my character Jak died, my gaming life took a very unusual turn. I had a LOT of opportunities very suddenly. I have a chance to play with a whole new group of people, without my kids or my husband; a chance to play with my husband (but no kids); and an option to run my OWN game.

I've always had a little bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to the gaming crowd and how I'm viewed. The Dude is well known and very respected in our circle, and many times I had the feeling that I was accepted by default.

Jak dying was sort of a wake up call to me. I had no less than four different conversations with people regarding my plans, my interests, my desire to keep playing, etc. Every person I talked to encouraged me to stay in the game and had really positive things to say about me as a player. It's kind of neat to know I don't stink.

Getting Back to "Me"

As a rule, I am a pretty laid back, mellow person. I do what needs to be done, I make lists, move on, and face the next day with a smile as much as I can.

Since the layoff, all of my fears have started to take over my normal way of thinking. They have started to creep into my head on a daily basis, and my regular self has morphed into someone I really do not like. Anxious, cranky, irritable, short-tempered, a little paranoid, disinterested in just about anything, disorganized, unable to complete projects- just a wreck. I really don't like this person I was turning into and the worst part was I felt trapped and couldn't find a way out.

This week, the grocery store job didn't have a lot of hours because of the University's spring break (the store is on campus so it is directly affected by student mass exodus). I didn't have any scheduled interviews or places to be.

So Monday, I slept in. I read a book. I hung out with The Dude. I cooked a real meal- actual dinner. I watched a few TV shows with the kids. I played with Cash. I was totally mentally lazy and did nothing but relax. Tuesday I applied for some jobs, but I did it all in about an hour.(I have gotten very good at it- it's a ninja skill!) Then, I helped a friend with his resume and got ideas on how to help him find a job he would like and be happy with. After this was done, I helped run him around to a few places (I have a car and his needs repairs) and then went home. I cooked dinner again. I hung out with the kids. I played with Cash. I read another book. Wednesday I did some chores around the house. I broke out my PaperCrafts magazine for ideas. I read a book. I hung out with the Dude when he got home from work. I made dinner. I've been helping my girlfriend get out of her own rut and possibly consider dating and I texted with her about cute guys for a while. Then I went into town and played in a new game- and had a BLAST. Yesterday I hung out at home for a while. I made the kids' dinner in advance and left them directions on the stove so they would have a real home-cooked dinner last night. I did work at the grocery store for a while, but it was slow and they sent me home early. I came home, hugged the kids, and watched a few episodes of Supernatural with TallBoy before bed.

Today is my "work day"- I am helping a dear friend clean his apartment before he moves away to HappilyEverAfter(TM) with his bride-to-be in Georgia. I'm scheduled to call back about an interview I had last week. I've got an appointment with a friend to talk about random (but important) stuff. I'm planning on making dinner.

All of this has really helped me find the "real me" again- and I feel more like my normal self. I'm starting to have interests in my hobbies again- I actually want to scrapbook again. It's been a gradual process- like pulling back the curtains and the light falling on the "old me"- but I like it. A lot.

My life isn't perfect and I want to be working at a full time job again soon, but I like my life right now. I have a lot of flexibility and I can work on projects, apply for jobs, or even take a nap if I want to, and I am still ok.

Being OK is good enough for me for now. It's actually kind of nice.

Simple Gifts

The major plus about this "no job" thing is that I have had an opportunity to spend a WHOLE lot more time with my kids. Yesterday and today, one or both of them have been sick, and I got to stay home with them with ABSOLUTELY NO guilt.

Best feeling in the world.

We piled on the couch with pillows and blankets and watched TV. We snoozed. We cuddled and hugged and glommed on each other.

I made comfort food for dinner ( spaghetti and jello) and baked brownies for dessert.

I held my ever growing children and kissed their heads. I took their temperatures and babied them endlessly.

I can't tell you how much I needed a day where I was a mom again, with no worries or interference, and all I had to worry about was if their feet were in my face.

Last night, the Dude took me out to dinner. It was a psuedo birthday dinner, as my birthday is Thursday and I am working (at my part time job) and the Dude will be at our business in the evening. We're HOPING that we can go see Clutch at a local club on Sunday for my "official" birthday celebration. (Paid for by my parents so I don't feel guilty about spending money on myself.)

I have a lot of hours at the part time job and was offered a position of responsibility (I accepted).

I had another interview on the phone today. It was short, but I continue to get called and find leads.

My kids are asking for their mom.