Getting Back to "Me"

As a rule, I am a pretty laid back, mellow person. I do what needs to be done, I make lists, move on, and face the next day with a smile as much as I can.

Since the layoff, all of my fears have started to take over my normal way of thinking. They have started to creep into my head on a daily basis, and my regular self has morphed into someone I really do not like. Anxious, cranky, irritable, short-tempered, a little paranoid, disinterested in just about anything, disorganized, unable to complete projects- just a wreck. I really don't like this person I was turning into and the worst part was I felt trapped and couldn't find a way out.

This week, the grocery store job didn't have a lot of hours because of the University's spring break (the store is on campus so it is directly affected by student mass exodus). I didn't have any scheduled interviews or places to be.

So Monday, I slept in. I read a book. I hung out with The Dude. I cooked a real meal- actual dinner. I watched a few TV shows with the kids. I played with Cash. I was totally mentally lazy and did nothing but relax. Tuesday I applied for some jobs, but I did it all in about an hour.(I have gotten very good at it- it's a ninja skill!) Then, I helped a friend with his resume and got ideas on how to help him find a job he would like and be happy with. After this was done, I helped run him around to a few places (I have a car and his needs repairs) and then went home. I cooked dinner again. I hung out with the kids. I played with Cash. I read another book. Wednesday I did some chores around the house. I broke out my PaperCrafts magazine for ideas. I read a book. I hung out with the Dude when he got home from work. I made dinner. I've been helping my girlfriend get out of her own rut and possibly consider dating and I texted with her about cute guys for a while. Then I went into town and played in a new game- and had a BLAST. Yesterday I hung out at home for a while. I made the kids' dinner in advance and left them directions on the stove so they would have a real home-cooked dinner last night. I did work at the grocery store for a while, but it was slow and they sent me home early. I came home, hugged the kids, and watched a few episodes of Supernatural with TallBoy before bed.

Today is my "work day"- I am helping a dear friend clean his apartment before he moves away to HappilyEverAfter(TM) with his bride-to-be in Georgia. I'm scheduled to call back about an interview I had last week. I've got an appointment with a friend to talk about random (but important) stuff. I'm planning on making dinner.

All of this has really helped me find the "real me" again- and I feel more like my normal self. I'm starting to have interests in my hobbies again- I actually want to scrapbook again. It's been a gradual process- like pulling back the curtains and the light falling on the "old me"- but I like it. A lot.

My life isn't perfect and I want to be working at a full time job again soon, but I like my life right now. I have a lot of flexibility and I can work on projects, apply for jobs, or even take a nap if I want to, and I am still ok.

Being OK is good enough for me for now. It's actually kind of nice.

My Dog is Weird

I watch Barking Mad, It's Me or the Dog, and Dog Whisperer; so I've seen a whole host of bad behaviors or bad habits dogs can get.

Cash doesn't do anything really "wrong" or "bad"- he just has behaviors that are strange, habits that are different, and is a little goofy. He fits right it at our house.

He's a pound puppy (literally born there - his mother was in distress and the shelter refused to let her die). He's mostly Border Collie and some Sheltie, with we think something else, but don't know what. We love him!

Most of the things that are "weird" that he does are related to eating. I've just come to accept that these actions are part of what makes my soft & fuzzy dog so dang wonderful.


Here's the lowdown on the dog:

He won't eat if we are not home. The only thing he will eat is a treat from his Kong. His water & bowl can be full, but he won't touch it unless his people are around.

He STRONGLY prefers to eat when we are all at home. On days when The Dude doesn't come home at night, he waits until all the REST of us are home to eat. If TallBoy stays out with friends, Cash waits until he is home to have dinner.

He won't eat at his bowl and is very nervous about eating when anyone is in the kitchen. If someone is in the kitchen, he has to be told (repeatedly) "go eat! It's ok. Go eat!" He'll sneak over to his bowl, grab a bite of food, and hustle into the dining room to crunch it up. Often, he drops the food in his mouth onto the floor and then eats it (but won't eat in the kitchen unless he is really hungry). He'll do this until he's all done eating.

He won't eat anything out of our hands, except treats- and even those he's a little nervous about. He would be MUCH happier if I dropped his treats for him to grab rather than making him get it from me.

After he's done eating, he wants his bowl to be full. He's not hungry, but it makes him upset if his bowl is empty. He whines and does this weird "circling" behavior in and out of the kitchen until we realize we need to put food in his bowl.

He LOVES bread. LOVES, LOVES, LOVES bread. He likes starches of any kind, but he'll take bread over bacon any day.

He likes *bubbles*. I'll wash dishes and my hands will be soapy, and he will come in to lick off the bubbles. Loves bubbles. The kids love to play with him when it is warm with bubble soap- keeps the dog busy for HOURS chasing bubbles. (And eating them)

Other stuff, not related to eating-

He checks everyone's bed before they GO to bed. He makes sure "there are no bad guys" (this is what I tell SweetPea) and that everyone is safe.

Once everyone is in bed, he does a round in the house to make sure we are all ok. Then he comes to bed to sleep.

When he wants to go outside, if we are not paying attention, he comes up to us and pokes us with his nose. We call it "beaking". As we are on the way to the door, he continues to "beak" us in the back of the leg until he is outside.

He barks when we laugh a lot. Then he gets excited and wants to play. Lots of fun.

He hates the car. Gets carsick. The vet, which is 10-15 miles away, is about his limit without severe stomach upset.

He's a good dog. He knows most of his manners. The ones he does not know, I have not taught him yet. He learns quickly and wants to please us. But he sure does know how to get our attention to let us know what he wants.

We love our dog... even if he is weird.