The Story of The Dude (Early Years)

For a while, I went to gaming with my dad because I was bored. However, it didn't take long before I wanted to go. While the guys there were weird and geeky, they talked to me. They treated me like a real person with feelings. They didn't completely shun me because I am not quite pretty. There were no comments about being thick or heavy. I was just as real as they were.

I know a lot of them talked to me and hung out with me initially as a favor to my dad. I know I wasn't really easy to get along with or very nice (essentially due to incessant teasing & bullying by people my own age). I know I was a bit jaded and cynical, and maybe a little b*tchy. But I did develop friendships and was starting to feel like I had something that "fit me".

I did not hang out with or interact with the Dude much at first. When I did, I was not impressed. He seemed like an argumentative know-it-all. I spent most of my time with some other guys doing really dumb, innocent stuff like delivering newspapers and wandering around town after school.

I was starting to find a place where I felt comfortable when my mom announced we (our family was my mom, me, my two brothers, and a brand new stepdad at this point) were moving to Iowa with her new husband. He was taking an associate (or maybe assistant) professor position with Iowa State University, and mom was going back to college there.

I was not thrilled with this idea at all. I had finally made FRIENDS and had something I liked doing, and I had to leave it. I fully admit I threw the world's biggest angstiest nastiest tantrum ever over this turn of events. It didn't change that we moved to Iowa.

Iowa stunk.

I was going into 8th grade in a small town where everyone knew everyone else and already had friendships and allegiances developed. I moved in, and tried to make friends with the next door neighbor girl- a shy, quiet girl with a small social circle. When school started, she faded into the woodwork like she always did, and I was left to the vultures. I was pretty much ignored, and I spent the year trying too hard to impress people that just didn't care.

I'll admit I was caught up in appearances and did everything I could to "look cool". While all my 8th grade shenanigans were going on, my mom announced that she was pregnant.

It did not take long for me to figure out that my mom, who was hip deep in school, and my step-dad, who was doing lots of cruddy work for nearly no pay, would be very busy and a baby would only make it worse. I was going to be/had just become a teenager and had not found a lot of activities or things to keep me busy. I was in a town with no friends, nothing I wanted to be involved in and no definite future- and my mom was going to have a baby.

I did not like this situation at all and what I felt it meant for me. I was headed to high school soon, with no friends and no way to do anything I might enjoy. I started to come up with a plan.