Getting Back to "Me"

As a rule, I am a pretty laid back, mellow person. I do what needs to be done, I make lists, move on, and face the next day with a smile as much as I can.

Since the layoff, all of my fears have started to take over my normal way of thinking. They have started to creep into my head on a daily basis, and my regular self has morphed into someone I really do not like. Anxious, cranky, irritable, short-tempered, a little paranoid, disinterested in just about anything, disorganized, unable to complete projects- just a wreck. I really don't like this person I was turning into and the worst part was I felt trapped and couldn't find a way out.

This week, the grocery store job didn't have a lot of hours because of the University's spring break (the store is on campus so it is directly affected by student mass exodus). I didn't have any scheduled interviews or places to be.

So Monday, I slept in. I read a book. I hung out with The Dude. I cooked a real meal- actual dinner. I watched a few TV shows with the kids. I played with Cash. I was totally mentally lazy and did nothing but relax. Tuesday I applied for some jobs, but I did it all in about an hour.(I have gotten very good at it- it's a ninja skill!) Then, I helped a friend with his resume and got ideas on how to help him find a job he would like and be happy with. After this was done, I helped run him around to a few places (I have a car and his needs repairs) and then went home. I cooked dinner again. I hung out with the kids. I played with Cash. I read another book. Wednesday I did some chores around the house. I broke out my PaperCrafts magazine for ideas. I read a book. I hung out with the Dude when he got home from work. I made dinner. I've been helping my girlfriend get out of her own rut and possibly consider dating and I texted with her about cute guys for a while. Then I went into town and played in a new game- and had a BLAST. Yesterday I hung out at home for a while. I made the kids' dinner in advance and left them directions on the stove so they would have a real home-cooked dinner last night. I did work at the grocery store for a while, but it was slow and they sent me home early. I came home, hugged the kids, and watched a few episodes of Supernatural with TallBoy before bed.

Today is my "work day"- I am helping a dear friend clean his apartment before he moves away to HappilyEverAfter(TM) with his bride-to-be in Georgia. I'm scheduled to call back about an interview I had last week. I've got an appointment with a friend to talk about random (but important) stuff. I'm planning on making dinner.

All of this has really helped me find the "real me" again- and I feel more like my normal self. I'm starting to have interests in my hobbies again- I actually want to scrapbook again. It's been a gradual process- like pulling back the curtains and the light falling on the "old me"- but I like it. A lot.

My life isn't perfect and I want to be working at a full time job again soon, but I like my life right now. I have a lot of flexibility and I can work on projects, apply for jobs, or even take a nap if I want to, and I am still ok.

Being OK is good enough for me for now. It's actually kind of nice.

Maybe turning a corner

I think I finally hit on a great thinking process for this "no job"/"looking for work" stuff....

I am in sales and I am selling me. I can't take the rejections personally- I just have to find the right customer. And then do what I do best....

Angels

I'm a pretty eclectic person. I like all kinds of things with very few things being my absolute "favorite". I have knick knacks and pretty shiny things, but I was never known for collecting things until about 10 years ago.

I saw an angel Christmas tree topper that I just LOVED and I had to have it. My wonderful grandmother found one like it on clearance and sent it to me as a birthday gift. I really love her- she's the first. She's gilt with gold and lace, and was hand made. I have her on my "creation table" (as it is no longer restricted to scrap booking). I love to look at her when I am in my thinking process.

She was the only one for a while until I saw a snow globe with an angel inside it- one of the heralds, trumpeting Christ's arrival. It's silver and white- very wintery. I found her when I was pregnant with SweetPea, and she represents a very special moment in time when I knew SweetPea would change my life in fabulous ways. Another angel was present at that moment, telling me about how much joy my precious girl would bring me. Love you, Dolly.

They slowly started showing up in my home after SweetPea was a year or so old. I'd get an angel from a friend, and soon people saw that I had "more than one", and it was decided I collected them. I didn't really do anything to discourage the idea, and soon enough I was getting angels for my birthday, Christmas, anniversary, Mother's Day, St. Somebody's day (you know, the no-reason holiday), etc.

I do have a preference for bisque, white or wooden angels, without a lot of facial details. However, I have one or two that completely defy those general categories that I adore.

I have a pretty impressive collection, but my display space has been cut dramatically since we moved to our home in LittleTown. We just don't have enough wall space or shelves for them all to be displayed. So my favorites, or the ones with a great story are in my living room, under my picture window.

Here are a few of the angels in my home: